He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
