me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
