Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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