Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
