We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
