There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So vagazzling was a success
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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