these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
