I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
