My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
