The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
