good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
