Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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