I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
