you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
