note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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