found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
false alarm, still single
Randomize
