either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
