She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
