I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
