Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
