just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Everclear isn't food dammit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
