Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize