She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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