my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
