I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
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