K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize