just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
