I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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