i permit you to call me
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
