RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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