sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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