Are we in a gay sports bar?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
