What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
