you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
