I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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