Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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