The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
