his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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