called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i wish my penis had a tongue
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
