Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
