his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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