Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
