Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We talked him into tasing himself.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
