i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
