you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
