Someone shit on the floor
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
