Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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