I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
