How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
