If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
