You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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