I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
