I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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