Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You are the jesus of drinking
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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