Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
