The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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