Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
