Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
