So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
