Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
