I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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