I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
