U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
