i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
