Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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