Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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