Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
