I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Randomize